the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
