a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
