He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
