my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
