your room smells of hookers.
And success
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
