you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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