i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
