my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No subtext here. People are naked.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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