I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
