Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
