why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
