So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
