THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
