so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
