Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
