It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
