ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
