I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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