Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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