After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
