You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
