I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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