I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
