he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
