He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
