the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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