Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize