Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
