Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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