I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
