do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
did you just send me my own nude
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
