I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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