We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
