Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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