I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
