Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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