you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
