That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
