cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
