We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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