just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
