i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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