oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
