have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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