just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
