And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm too high and old for this...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
