he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
