i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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