Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
