He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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