Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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