K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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