If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
