Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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