So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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