She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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