We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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