Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
