She is in my trunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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