the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
