I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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