that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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